i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
