I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
