We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
