Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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