I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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