He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
