I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
