Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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