my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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