My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
