TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
