You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
