bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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