i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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