The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
