Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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