Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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