I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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