dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
