brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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