I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
