just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
