i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
