if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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