do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
