Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
