I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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