I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
