I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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