There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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