Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
