it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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