I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
