Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
