I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
