I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
