i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
