and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Panties = found
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
