It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
