how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
