A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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