are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
