Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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