Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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