I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
