He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
