So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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