I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
