The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
