Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
