fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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