i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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