So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
