Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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