Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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