i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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