Having a random hookup so left but love u
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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