I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
