This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
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fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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