Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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