I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
