I need to stop coming to work sober
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
