We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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