I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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