i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
