Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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