I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
