two words: eviction party
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
